Well the results are in and ..............ITS A GIRL!! The day started with me being so worried about keeping down enough water and all through the night last night I was thinking about it. I knew my ultrasound was at three fifteen so i was trying me best to plan ahead and try and just hold it all day. I would have been SO sad if I couldn't have had it done because I threw up all the water but I just started with a frozen juice box and kept that down.. Tried to eat lunch and lost all of that but then just laid and sipped on a drink till it was time threw up one more time and thought it was all ruined! But once I got there and was on the table she said it was fine! When the tech came out she was Super young so I thought she's gunna be so fun and get me more excited but quickly that image was shot down when she barely spoke and when she did sounded like she would rather be anywhere else.. Jason was sitting kind of behind her while she was taking the initial pictures so he could try and see what she was typing but he didn't see anything! She asked a couple questions about the pregnancy which I tried to keep her talking but she said like one word ending the convo responses. Then she finally turned the screen to us and said arm arm, leg and leg, profile , spine and feet.. No excitement just matter of factly then said we are finished if you want pictures just get them at the front when you leave. Completely polite but with no feeling what so ever. I don't know why I expected to go in and have this cheerleader of excitement but that is exactly what I didn't get which I thought was disappointing. I feel like I know it has probably been a long day for you but can't ya just rally for a pregnancy appointment?! It's been a long 14 wks for me so far and this is my one excitement can ya just be a little more peppy? I have heard this is common for techs here so I didn't get my hopes up till I saw how young she was. My attempts to ask about gender were quickly shot down as usual but she said at the start she hadn't seen it yet and I didn't ask again. It was so crazy how much the baby changes since our ultrasounds in the hospital it looks like a real baby and it's crazy! I still kind of feel like it's not real yet! I don't think I'll feel like its real till she's out! Or till I can feel her moving more I can feel fluttering a but nothing definite. They said she's measuring a little small but that can change and vary over the weeks with any pregnancy my other doctor said while I was in the hospital so I'm not too worried about that and don't want to change my due date untill she's consistently measuring smaller. I think to keep me sane I cannot go back a week in my mind or how far I am along. I am barely hanging on here anyways I gotta just keep moving forward day by day no going back a week! I just hope desperately that there is a bigger improvement soon so I can enjoy this all more. So I can go out and be excited about having a little girl! Starving doesn't make anyone the best person they can be but this news has helped me to get more excited I am so greatful that I found out for this extra boost of happiness:)
Whenever I have something exciting happen the first person I think to this day I want to tell first is my mom. Before mom passed away she was the first person I called when anything happened. She was truly my best friendand the person I still aspire to be this day. I always have this fleeting thought of I cannot wait to tell mom and then there's that sinking feeling of rememberance again. This for sure was one of those times in my life. Everyone says she knows but it's just not the same. It's not the same as running into her room and jumping on her bed while she cursed me cause the covers came up and her feet are freezing and then telling her while with big started planning and thinking about how awesome it was going to be. She's one of a kind... There are big moments like when I got engaged or when I got married or when we found out we were expecting you always want to tell your mom or share it with your mom becuase well she's your mom and that's it. She always was the one cheering me on or the one I could count on for the best reaction to exciting news. I know she would be so excited for another girl to come into the family, another baby in general. I hope I can feel her around me in this roller coaster time of my life and feel of her happiness for us. I love my mom so much and miss her everyday. So many questions I wish I could ask her or just to lay beside her in her bed was the most comforting feeling in the world becuase you knew how much she cared for you. I hope that i can be that warm light for my kids to come to when times are hard or when they need someone to be extra excited that they come to me first becuase they know I'm their biggest fan! I hope above all that she's looking down on me and is proud of what I'm doing in my life.
Well that's all for today hope you all enjoyed and can be excited with us! Till next time stay positive, it can always be worse.
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